Be Excellent To Each Other

Mod-o-note - the link below contains several articles, and one is about sex in prisons, which may not look great to your office Internet filter.

Inspired by this excellent article that you should really read, I pondered my preferred crisp.

It's a conundrum, as one one hand you have the best crisp - where the form and flavour combine to create your absolute favourite.

Then you have the type of crisp you generally prefer, agnostic of flavour.

And finally you have the flavour you're most likely to choose, regardless of type.

Overall Best Crisp Ever: Worcester Sauce Twiglets

Most Dependable Type: Seabrooks

Most Dependable Flavour: Pickled Onion (it may not be the best flavour, but you know you're going to get a pretty standard Pickled Onion experience, whatever brand you end up with).

Not As Good As You Remember: Scampi Fries. They had them at work the other week. What used to be an intense experience has become very flavourless. They must have changed the recipe/cut down the chemicals.

I wouldn't call Twiglets crisps, I mean I love them but they're baked rather than fried.

In terms of current crisps I do like smokey bacon pringles.

Twiglets are pretzels, right?

Any way, salt and vinegar for me and Royston T-bone steak.

Oh yeah and scampi and lemon nik naks

Are Pringles crisps? Does mashing together some kind of pulp into a weird shape and then cooking it, count?

I'll generally go for smokey bacon or cheese and onion walkers if they are an option.
Or frazzles, but then they aren't really crisps either, technically.

Huh.

Walkers Max Paprika.

So the best crisps are Walkers Tomato Ketchup.

The second best crisps are Smiths Bacon Fries.

The third best crisps are Salt and Vinegar McCoys "Chip Shop", and Co-op Chardonnay White Wine Vinegar and Sea Salt, Marks & Spencer's Sour Cream and Chive Pretzles and Walkers Prawn Cocktail. Oh, and Cheese and Onion Crinkled Mini Cheddars.

The worst crisps are either chicken or bacon flavoured. Or Quavers. Fuck Quavers.

The Dorito also has an untouched keg of ale in the garage, which I'm not convinced would be your MO.

Keg ale can fucking do one, like Quavers.

Quavers are the Dizzy's Tits of crisps.

I prefer Bloods.

Salt N Shakur

Did...did Findus use mod blue?

Oh, that must have been a kindly mod intervention. Not me, guvnor.

Do you not see the "edited by" box on the mobile skin?

I did not, thank goodness for that.

That's a great article.

I quite like a quaver, but it doesn't seem like a good value purchase. It's a bag full of air, with a cheesy tang.

Not a crisp, I KNOW, but Red Leicester Mini Cheddars are fucking excellent.

Regular favourites: Flaming hot Monster Munch, Mccoys Sizzling King Prawn, Morrisons The Best Aromatic Curry Crisps (Hot new entry!), Worcestershire Sauce French Fries, Scampi Fries, Quavers (cheese - not the other flavours that mess with my mind). Burtons Fish & Chips (again not a crisp, I KNOW).

I've never heard of these. When did they come on the scene?

Been here (Morrisons Preston) all this year, maybe even end of last year.

There's stilton! (starts great but loses edge quickly)

Grilled (Toasted?) Cheese, bland!

And some thing else I think.

GO FOR THE RED LEICESTER ONES

A term for a crushing disappointment. Rooted in the emotion that occurs when smoking hot Dizzy takes her top off in Starship Troopers.

I can't have been the only person picturing an egg on legs with its tits out?

No, you definitely was not.

Fantasy World Dizzy, indeed.

McCoys Chips are fucking amazing.

Brannigans are best brand, tho.

Worst crisp flavour ever: McCoys Sizzlin' BBQ Chicken.

Currently working my way through a 6 bag of beef and mustard. OMG.

What about wotsits? Do they count as crisps?

How many gamers do you think would have died of starvation in the past decade if multi-packs of Wotsits didn't exist? In an alternate universe to ours there is an entire Ready Player One-style graveyard dedicated to their large carcasses, each crowned by a glowing neon Pac-man stone, wakka–wakkaing away, forever.

Would agree with you here I'm right in saying that Twiglets only have the one original flavor now? Or are you going to make my day and tell me they have bought back Worcester sauce?

Seabrooks are great crisps, they dropped Worcester sauce as well for some reason.

I've never been a fan of Walkers crisps, but have to admit that their Max Strong crisps are pretty good.

Unfortunately Worcester sauce twiglets are no more. I don't know when they disappeared but there's not a day goes by that I don't miss them.

Doritos Collisions Habanero and Guacamole are fucking foul. Do not try them.

They don't have avocado in the ingredients, and that is the absolute least of the problems with these crisps.

I threw away at least half the bag... And that's after palming off a quarter of the bag. I, like most normal people, normally refuse to throw away crisps I have bought.

This post works best if you read it very slowly and have the 'Our Tune' music playing in your head.

Work have started stocking Walkers Pickled Onion crisps in the pantry. They're phenomenally tart and strong. They're wonderful things, highly recommended (though unfortunately highly inappropriate for my bag-on-the-train-home habit.)

Yeah, they're great. I think only Co-op poncy Salt and Vinegar crisps punch you in the mouth harder.

ooh, will have to check those out.

Sea salt and Chardonnay wine vinegar crisps is what they're called. Melt your tongue away to a stub so they will. Good with the coop cheese and chive dip to take the edge off.

Haven’t eaten crisps in years. Nearest thing to crisps I’ve had recently is a bag of Mini Cheddars back in 2015 (probably April).

I made a special trip to the co op for these and... They're incredible. If cillit bang was delicious, this is what it would taste like.

Bang! And the top two layers of the skin on your tongue are gone!

I don't know much, but motherfucker do I know crisps.

Salt and Vinegar Discos used to occasionally have a thing where they made them way stronger. I liked that. I may have to seek out these Co-op crisps.

I once had a packet of salt and vinegar crisps that had no flavour at all. Crushing disappointment

FUN FACT! The monster munch crisp IS NOT the monster claw, but the MONSTER ITSELF. I labeled the arms, legs and head.

Didn't Monster Munch used to have two distinct shapes inside the packet - one was a claw and one was more like a full-monster body shape?

I thought one was a claw and the other an eye or similar, but yes, there were two different shapes.