Be Excellent To Each Other

I want some more jokes of this ilk please (here are pretty much all of them I know)

He's a dark horse isn't he?


They're 99 for 6.


You know what I can't understand?


I tell you what you don't see around any more


You know what the worst two winters we had?


They're still 2 for a pound you know.


I can't believe they're still together after all the shit there's been between them.


They're 48 all out.


I need new ones thanks.

"Exit signs... they're on the way out."


Or just google for Tim Vine.

Yeah, This is Tim Vine's entire act.

What's brown and sticky?



Best joke in the known universe, that.

Doesn't really fit the category though.

Yes it does.

So..you mean bad jokes?

I'll get onto my Dad, he has hundreds of them.

Actually you're right. It does.

That sounds painful.

Victory - Found tons already. Cheers.

Jimmy Carr has quite a few of these, too.

He forgot to bring the funny though.

He's approximately four billion times funnier than Tim Vine.

From The Young Ones:

It's a funny old game.

It's a laugh, isn't it?

whats brown and rhymes with snoop?

I like that last one

stole it from B3ta.

My briefly elevated opinion of you is ruined.

At least he admitted stealing it though.

Runcle > Pasquale.

What's a definition of a wog?

He's a card...
Who is?

I agree with Craster.

Whereas I disagree with Craster, as the Vine outrocks the Carr. I call for a referendum.

Anyway, I've just tried to find some Stephen Wright jokes that fit the desired formula, and failed. Irregardless:

"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

No, wait...

"On the other hand, you have different fingers."

PARTIAL SUCCESS?

The most painful night of my life was at the Glee club in Birmingham watching Tim Vine do 40 minutes of nothing but one-liners to an audience that didn't so much as crack a smile. It was embarrassing to watch.

You know what really gets on my tits?

Nipple clamps.

See, I really like Tim Vine, but I imagine half of his gigs go that way. He has nothing to fall back on or change the pace with if the audience aren't "into it", so he just has to keep going through his repertoire. Even big fans of his start to tire after a while, though, so the chances of an unreceptive audience eventually laughing are pretty slim.

That particular audience do sound like they were a bunch of stony-faced, arms-crossed "impress me" types, though.

thank fuck for that if I was on the other side of that arrow I dont know how I'd live.

I like that.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. It was Allah's will.

what do 9 out of 10 people enjoy

NSFW... do not read if easily offended...

There are some things you shouldn't joke about. I for one would not joke about a method of getting from one field to another that didn't belong to me.

We need a groan dimlie.