Be Excellent To Each Other

Oh dear. Might have a holiday booked already in Paris, renting an apartment for a week or something. I'm terrified. Never been to another country before, don't speak the language or know anything about the culture, haven't been on any sort of holiday for eight years or more (and that was with my parents and family because I was a kid), don't like travel of any sort at all really. Might be on the verge of bricking it.

Advice plz.

It's the same as England but it has loads of people who speak English in a French accent.

It's like London in that it's a hodge-podge of different people from all over, so if you get really stuck just go hang out in a hostel - I stayed in St Christopher's in the 10th arondissement (sp?) in April - and you'll soon be tired of the sound of English and ready for more Frenching it up.

I know what you mean about travel, but once you get there and get your bearings you'll be fine - the metro is easy to navigate anonymously (that is, people don't bother you, just get a book of tickets and you're off away round the place) and you can look up maps and the like before you even go there.

At least try to speak a few words of French. When you fail, the French person you are trying to communicate with will reply in English. If you don't bother to even try they will pretend they don't understand English and speak even faster. In French.

I'm going with my girlfriend so I won't need to know French I think. Not sure if she knows the language to well enough degree, but wouldn't be surprised.

I think the worst thing for me is that it's travelling, not that it's France/Paris as such.

'Where is my girlfriend?' may be an idea.

Everyone speaks English, the Metro is fast, efficient, and easy to understand.

It's bastard expensive though.

You should try flying from Thunder Bay to Toronto, Toronto to Heathrow and then Heathrow to Edinburgh, followed by an hour-long drive to my parents house in Fife. In one day. With a six month old.
I guarantee you wouldn't worry about travelling ever again.

Seriously though, once you're over the initial culture shock I'm sure you'll have a blast. Don't forget, it's not as if you'll be the only tourists around. Just make sure you plan things in advance. Work out what you'd like to do each day, use Google maps or whatever to plan your route, get a couple of guide books out of the library if necessary. If you plan things well you shouldn't have anything to worry about.

This is true.
I'm very poor at French but have been to Paris lots of times, what I find is that I can understand lots of words (because they are basically the same as English), so I can usually understand what's written or said, just not very good at forming a proper sentence.
So what works is speaking in a mixture of French and English, and just dealing with whatever you get back, which will be the same or carefully spoken French or perfect English if you're lucky.*

Anyway, Paris is a fine place to visit. Even if you just wander about and do the basic tourist things you're not going to get bored, and as mentioned the metro works really well. Personally I find it a bit confusing (not the actual network but finding which platform you need in the stations) but other than that it's great.

Your best idea for getting there is to go on the train from London, I would have thought, then it's hardly like foreign at all, is it?


*I'm currently in Barcelona and don't have a fucking clue what's going on, nobody seems to speak English at all

I like France.

Barcelona is a bit of a nightmare, as most of the native population speak Catalan rather than Castillian. A lot of the Catalan types will actually be less offended if you speak English to them than if you try to speak Castillian (which is remarkably easy to bluff in).

If you want somewhere unconfusing but excellent, I recommend La Habana Vieja, a Cuban restaurant hidden down one of the narrow streets in the Old Town, near the Picasso Museum. Castillian is the first language, and you'll have no problem bluffing. The food is excellent and unpretentious.

Paris! I went there on my Honeymoon. As already advised, always try to speak in French first - you'll fail, and they'll then speak to you in English, but they'll appreciate that you tried. The Americans go straight in with the English, and mysteriously find that no-one else speaks it.

Guide books like Time Out Paris (which I can recommend) include key phrases and also a quick menu look-up table to make sure you're not ordering horse balls.

Avoid the Eiffel Tower, it's a hideous tourist trap. I recommend looking at it from the rather splendid Plaza north of the river (called something to do with Bulls, can't remember), where there is also park filled with splendid Paulownia Trees, but if you go to the tower itself it's got all the atmosphere of a suburban British Funfair. If you want a view of Paris, go up the Arc De Triomphe - it's far better placed to properly appreciate both the Champs D'Elyees and La Defense (the secure holding pen for mad architects, east of the city), and it has the added bonus of a great view of the Eiffel Tower. Cheaper too, and no queues.

Also, it is imperative that you eat here: Chez Toinette. You'll need to book, as it's tiny, and leave plenty of time to find it, but it's the best food I've ever had, and very unpretentious with it.

I like Paris, and go as often as possible on the Eurostar. Try and go to the Louvre - if you haven't got much cash then it's free on the first Sunday of each month, but if you can spare €18 then go on another day when it will be quieter.
Also try and take a river tour up the Sein - you can get on opposite the Eiffel Tower (which I understand Whomper's point about, but I'd still say you should see it once) and they take you right through the city, with a tape to listen to, in English, telling you what's going on.
If you've got plenty of cash, book two tickets to the Moulin Rouge in Pigale. It's ace (and it's a cultured way of seeing lots of fit women with their boobs out).

And make sure to just sit in one of the millions of cafes that litter the city for a couple of hours and watch the world go by.

So the exact opposite of London then.

No-one speaks English or has the slightest idea what the Metro is on about today.

But at least the Metro is free.

Take LOTS of money if you want to eat or drink.

It's the Dog shit capital of Europe - Take spare shoes.

It's full of French people - Ew.

Go to Barcelona instead.