Be Excellent To Each Other

A couple of hours ago, my dad [who lives in the same building as me, but we have separate apartments] invited two or three women into his section of the house and told me not to come upstairs.

His bedroom is directly above mine and I can hear. Uh. Noises.

I'm pretty sure he's having an orgy up there and has locked all the doors; to his kitchen, his living room and I assume his bedroom.


One of the women is my mom's best friend and I recognise one other. My dad has a girlfriend. She is not present. The main door is on the latch and ever so often I hear it opening and closing as what I assume is another woman joins him.



I need some happy, happy thoughts, please.

Is there anywhere you can go that isn't there? Like a camcorder shop and an extortioner's house?

I've already been on a walk and smoked possibly an entire tobacco shops worth of cigarettes.

He's already fucked half the women in my town but I never thought he'd do it quite so obviously around his 17 year old daughter.

happy happy thoughts

I know some folk who have lived in Australia. They all had a lovely time, despite not being the sort of people to prefer the heat. I imagine it's going to change your life in all kinds of awesome and joyful ways, yes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vdYSZ4YGnU

Might help.

Australia. A whole different continent to all of my family. A+

Oh yeah. I feel ya sister. Well, er, I wouldn't be able to... but... erm... look, a bee!

I thought you lived in Manchester!?!??!??!!?!???!

I lived there for five years and didn't manage twenty. And I was really applying myself there at times.

Are you sure one of these isn't his missus - the one arriving through the main door that you can hear?

Old couples are into all kinds of stuff.

I live near Manchester. But you underestimate just how many women my father has had sex with.

I'm sure. She's nice, more fool her.

He's not even that old. and he's 5"5 and looks like Bill Clinton. I can hear banging and moaning. more than one woman moaning.

dammit where's MY harem?

Have you got any smoke alarms you could set off? Maybe phone the house phone constantly? Just something to interrupt their um, flow?

I could play the Pokemon theme tune really, really loud and bang on the ceiling with a broom.

I'm baffled by this. How does a man set up an orgy to start with?

'Hey, lots of women, want to all have sex together?'
'Hell yeah!'

Somehow this seems unrealistic. Baffling.

Anyway, go to my website and look at large snacks. mmmm. large snacks.

go for a walk or to the cinema.
is it really making it more bearable telling it to people on a forum?

Hey look on the bright side, he likes sex to involve 2 women, so do you.

It's nice to have things in common with your parents

I reckon he's got himself a couple of dildos at least.

Have they stopped yet?

Your dad is a player, isnt he? Rispeck.

Cheer up, you could be me.

I don't know where to start*. You're certainly in the running for best newcomer Fake It. Looking forward to your next thread.




*Probably what your Dad said too.

It probably doesn't help, but they might have been hookers.

Rugby players?

Seems not, though maybe.


Really, that's crappy luck to find an apartment not only in the same block but in the room directly under your father's, especially if he is abusive and does stuff like this seemingly with no regard for you. Can you not find somewhere else a bit more suitable? Are you working to fund a flat?

Seriously, Fake, you've had an unbelievable run of bad luck recently, I hope that things pick up for you from the situation you are at presently - it sounds better than your situation prior to this, but still kind of hellish. I'd hope that you can find a more suitable residence soon, because, from the sounds of it, that flat you have now sounds a bit inappropriate.

Seeing as your mother seems so anachronistic in her moral judgments of you being gay, the morals of her best friend do seem to be in some polar opposition. If her best friend is engaging in a foursome with three other women then she is obviously not adverse to any lesbianism. Maybe your mother would appreciate being made aware of this...

I have some issues with walking around by myself at 10pm at night. I rarely leave my home after dark without 2 or 3 other people with me and then I still feel antsy. And we don't even have a cinema. ):




I'm moving out in a month for Australia, and I don't have to pay for this apartment, so it's really the best I can do. Next time it happens I'll invite some female friends round and we'll bang my bed and make noises.




best newcomer = best trainwreck in slow motion? awesome.

OH GOD NO.


he's a player in the sense that he waits for my mom to make friends then fucks them. -.-

It sounds crappy at the minute, but at least you're doing something about it. You're moving to another continent to be with someone you love which, at worst, will be a hell of an adventure.

You'll certainly win "most memorable newcomer" at the end of year awards.

We so should have end of year awards!

No matter what happens, I'll always have drunken bar room anecdotes.

Totally. who is in charge here? this motion must be carried.

Well I'm sure I'm the only diety here.

Don't you own any headphones FI? I'd ask your dad to buy you an MP3 player so you don't have to listen to his orgies in future!

Oh dear, that's a bit rubbish.

You should think of ponies, they make me happy all the time.

Do the geese know?

The Geese know all. Do not doubt in the Geese.

I think you'll find that's the crows, the crows know everything, and the trees they do too.

Malc

And the clouds, they also know everything, along with puddles.

I wrote a poem about this about 7 years ago, it should be on the net somewhere.

Malc

Never owned one, then?

That really should be :Grim...:

Silly - it's Mr Bounder.

'Trot on my lovelies'

Horsey girls are great

It's all that rising trot, probably.

Indeed. You have to watch out for the Nazi ponies that are becoming an increasing problem:

"YOU VILL LISTEN TO ZE SHETLAND MASTER RACE!"

For you Tommy, ze Horse is over.

My sister in law has a couple of ponies (proper big ones, and some little shetlands too).

Personally I don't really see the appeal. I mean, it was cute when they had a baby and stuff but all the early starts, mucking out feeding and especially cost... fuck that.

Also - a friend of mine always referred to turd (and indeed anything he deemed to be shit) as 'pony'. It's the first thing I think of (and snigger) when people talk about ponies.



My wife used to ride (Arf!). It certainly had it's benefits I suppose.

Pony an' Trap, innit?