Man arrested for falling off his own sofa

GazChap · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 12:12

Quote:

A man ended up being arrested and charged - after laughing too much at BBC TV's Have I Got News For You.

Chris Cocker, 36, from Blackburn, was chuckling so vigorously at a comment by comedy panellist Paul Merton that he fell off the sofa.

A concerned neighbour in the flat below heard the thud and called the police.

But when he refused to co-operate, Cocker was arrested. He admitted in court to resisting a police officer and was given a conditional discharge.

A charge of assaulting a police officer was withdrawn when Cocker appeared before magistrates in Blackburn, Lancashire.

Mr Cocker said: "I fell off the settee in hysterics and hit the floor and got myself up and started carrying on watching the telly and the next thing I know there was a knock on the door.

"The bit where I lost it the most was when I shut the door and the policeman had stuck his foot in the doorway and was refusing to let me shut my own front door."

After being sprayed with pepper spray, Mr Cocker was put into a police van and taken to a police station where he said he was stripped naked and spent a night in the cells.

A spokesman for Lancashire Police said officers used a pepper spray as "reasonable force" for their own protection after they feared for their safety when he became aggressive.

Have I Got News For You, currently in its 35th series, has been running on the BBC for almost 20 years and involves celebrity guests answering questions and cracking jokes about current affairs.

What the fuck? Since when has closing your own door warranted being sprayed with pepper spray? I'm almost sure there must be something here that isn't being reported properly, as I struggle to believe that any police officer in this country would do this unprovoked.

I'm basing that purely on my previous experience with the police, mind. Maybe I'm being too charitable.

MarcusJ · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 85

Who on earth calls the police instantly when they "hear a thud"?

Grim... · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 12:17

I'd imagine the police wanted to look around in case Mr Cocker had hurt somebody, causing the noise.

sinister agent · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 7046

MarcusJ wrote:

Who on earth calls the police instantly when they "hear a thud"?

I can only assume they thought someone had fallen over, dead, hence the police thought maybe he'd killed someone.

However, the neighbour is a stupid prick for not, y'know, just fucking asking if everything was alright.

On the plus side, this will probably feature on hignfy next week in a bout of super-irony.

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49244

Hang on - surely the relevant question is why was he made naked?

Joans · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 8655

Quote:

Mr Cocker said: "I fell off the settee in hysterics and hit the floor and got myself up and started carrying on watching the telly and the next thing I know there was a knock on the door.

"The bit where I lost it the most was when I shut the door and the policeman had stuck his foot in the doorway and was refusing to let me shut my own front door."

I think the bit that isn't being reported lies between these two points.
The police came round to our house when I was in Uni, as apparently someone had reported a break in, so I'm pretty sure it's what happens between opening the door and closing it again that determines whether or not the police think they've finished with you.

MarcusJ · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 85

Also, how did they hear the thud, but not the laughter?
Or indeed any subsequent post-thud movement?

It's all rather odd.

Squirt · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 6607

I read earlier that the man had refused to give his name, and the police had demanded he give it.

Dr Lave · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 5979

Squirt wrote:

I read earlier that the man had refused to give his name, and the police had demanded he give it.

I too heard that.

I don't have enough details to judge what happened, during the conversation and I'm far too coloured by OMG-POLICE-STAT!E!!11!! to judge it fairly to be honest.

BikNorton · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 10173

MarcusJ wrote:

Also, how did they hear the thud, but not the laughter?
Or indeed any subsequent post-thud movement?

Soundproofing - good at absorbing/reflecting air, not so good with 60+kg of direct physical impact. So-so for footfalls.

Edit: Tut, I'll move the edit to a new post. Damn you all posting!

sinister agent · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 7046

You're all missing the point. The article doesn't mention whether the bloke looked a bit foreign. He might even have had a beard!

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49244

Craster wrote:

Hang on - surely the relevant question is why was he made naked?

Seriously! Naked!

BikNorton · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 10173

Lave wrote:

I don't have enough details to judge what happened, during the conversation and I'm far too coloured by OMG-POLICE-STAT!E!!11!! to judge it fairly to be honest.

Imagine the fun I have discussing this sort of thing with my in-training-bobby girlfriend who doesn't really get the liberal point of view and has been drinking the Kool-Aid.

Avoiding Police! Camera! Action! and the like is a priority of choosing a TV programme to watch. It helps that they're invariably complete shit, naturally.

She's not impressed that I'd rather end up in front of the beak/in jail than give one of her colleagues my details without bloody good reason.

Grim... · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 12:51

The Metro suggested that they wanted to come in, but he wouldn't let them, so he was the 'interfering with a police investigation'.

Squirt · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 6607

Q) What goes ha ha bonk?
A) A man laughing his head off.

Q) What goes ha, ha, bonk, oh god my eyes sweet jesus the pain aaah fuck?
A) This guy.

sinister agent · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 7046

BikNorton wrote:

Lave wrote:

I don't have enough details to judge what happened, during the conversation and I'm far too coloured by OMG-POLICE-STAT!E!!11!! to judge it fairly to be honest.

Imagine the fun I have discussing this sort of thing with my in-training-bobby girlfriend who doesn't really get the liberal point of view and has been drinking the Kool-Aid.

Avoiding Police! Camera! Action! and the like is a priority of choosing a TV programme to watch. It helps that they're invariably complete shit, naturally.

She's not impressed that I'd rather end up in front of the beak/in jail than give one of her colleagues my details without bloody good reason.

Follow her around with a camera all day, every day, wherever she goes. If she objects or complains at any point, arrest her for terrorism, because what has she got to hide, eh? EH?

I'm not joking, you know.

BikNorton · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 10173

Grim... wrote:

The Metro suggested that they wanted to come in, but he wouldn't let them, so he was the 'interfering with a police investigation'.

I hadn't been aware that anonymity was taken away from us in, entertainingly enough, 1984 as a side-effect of that law about police having to include the "customer"'s details in any report.

(They really do call both victims and perps as customers, you know)

Dr Lave · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 5979

sinister agent wrote:

BikNorton wrote:

Lave wrote:

I don't have enough details to judge what happened, during the conversation and I'm far too coloured by OMG-POLICE-STAT!E!!11!! to judge it fairly to be honest.

Imagine the fun I have discussing this sort of thing with my in-training-bobby girlfriend who doesn't really get the liberal point of view and has been drinking the Kool-Aid.

Avoiding Police! Camera! Action! and the like is a priority of choosing a TV programme to watch. It helps that they're invariably complete shit, naturally.

She's not impressed that I'd rather end up in front of the beak/in jail than give one of her colleagues my details without bloody good reason.

Follow her around with a camera all day, every day, wherever she goes. If she objects or complains at any point, arrest her for terrorism, because what has she got to hide, eh? EH?

I'm not joking, you know.

Or of course, whenever you are out take a note of the CCTV cameras you are both walking past, and then fill in the data protection act forms to get the videos sent to you.

Then be watching them as she walks in one day and casually turn it off whilst saying "I'm just keeping my eye on you, if you've nothing to hide..."

Or make her watch Taking Liberties.

mrbogus · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 112

At least they didn't arrest him and then hold him for nearly two months without charging him before deciding that oho! it's all in fun and let him go.

Squirt · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 6607

I'm going to try and count the number of cameras go past from my office to the station tonight. I'm betting it will be hundreds.

Dr Lave · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 5979

Squirt wrote:

I'm going to try and count the number of cameras go past from my office to the station tonight. I'm betting it will be hundreds.

*looks left and right*

I did that at the last place I lived.

54 not including the ones on the tube.

Aside: I blaming not sleeping last night for sounding like a paranoid maniac.

Malabelm · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 13:22

Wow, 54. I bet you felt really safe doing that journey.

BikNorton · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 10173

Squirt wrote:

Q) What goes ha ha bonk?
A) A man laughing his head off.

Q) What goes ha, ha, bonk, oh god my eyes sweet jesus the pain aaah fuck?
A) This guy.

8/10 Magna Cartas!

kalmar · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 13:25

sinister agent wrote:

You're all missing the point. The article doesn't mention whether the bloke looked a bit foreign. He might even have had a beard!

Ah, good point. That probably explains it. And a fair cop too.

Dr Lave · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 5979

nynfortoo wrote:

Wow, 54. I bet you felt really safe doing that journey.

3/100 uk mugging are solved using CCTV. And they've cost billions! Phew!

sinister agent · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 7046

nynfortoo wrote:

Wow, 54. I bet you felt really safe doing that journey.

I for one took great comfort in knowing that if I were ever stabbed to death in London, at least thirty CCTV operatives would be busy watching something else, and at least thirty tapes would have been left to rot/recorded over as the police simply never bothered to look for them. Or - cynicism off - there'd be grainy, blurry, near useless footage of some human-shaped thing scuffling with some other human-shaped things.

Squirt · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 6607

My bike got nicked the other day, and I've just got a letter from the British Transport Police ( it was nicked at a station ) saying my case 'was currently lacking solvability factors'. I demand more CCTV cameras! Especially ones pointing at my bike!

ElephantBanjoGnome · **Joined:** 22nd Dec, 2010 **Posts:** 8175

sinister agent wrote:

some human-shaped thing scuffling with some other human-shaped things.

My major complaint against CCTV, it's about as good as a cheap webcam. What this means is, you can just about make out that 3 people have brutally murdered someone, but not who they killed, or who they are. So while you know what has happened, you can't do a damn thing about it.

Similar with shop security cameras, most playback of these that I've seen on tv are time-delayed shots of blur that you can't make anything out of. ffs.

Malabelm · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 13:46

Squirt wrote:

My bike got nicked the other day, and I've just got a letter from the British Transport Police ( it was nicked at a station ) saying my case 'was currently lacking solvability factors'. I demand more CCTV cameras! Especially ones pointing at my bike!

Heh. I got one of those letters from the police this morning, regarding my stolen bike.

They basically said "We can't solve this case, so we're closing it. Ta!", which is funny because the CSI guys didn't bother turning up to dust the bike for prints. Cunts.

sinister agent · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 7046

It also can't hear, and can't make decisions, and can't use intuition or experience as a beat cop can. Nor can it stop a crime in progress, or prevent one that's about to happen - even if the person happens to be watching that feed and happens to be quite astute, all they can do is call in suspicious behaviour and hope the police bother to look into it instantly, and get there in time.

In other words, you're better off without the fucking things.

sinister agent · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 7046

nynfortoo wrote:

the CSI guys didn't bother turning up to dust the bike for prints. Cunts.

You should have suggested that it was stolen in a highly improbably manner that would be conducive to an extremely patronising cgi sequence. They'd be over in a jiffy.

ElephantBanjoGnome · **Joined:** 22nd Dec, 2010 **Posts:** 8175

I've seen a few instances (given my penchant for watching shows like Street Crime, Street Wars, et al) where the CCTV has seen an assault-in-progress and police have sped to the scene to pwn the fuckers. It's one of the few things that cheers me. I do very much like watching policement kneel on the heads of violent cuntfaces while twisting their arms behind their backs at unnatural angles all the time hearing the little fucking shit protest his innocence.

Stop, Breathe, calm.... I keep reaching for an imaginary knife with which to stab this imaginary person. Stab stab.

sinister agent · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 7046

And I've seen instances where people were beaten shitless or raped because the only police presence was a glorified tape recorder. I don't doubt that they're occasionally useful, but compare to a trained police officer in the area, they're a joke.

devilman · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 13:57

sinister agent wrote:

It also can't hear, and can't make decisions, and can't use intuition or experience as a beat cop can. Nor can it stop a crime in progress, or prevent one that's about to happen - even if the person happens to be watching that feed and happens to be quite astute, all they can do is call in suspicious behaviour and hope the police bother to look into it instantly, and get there in time.

In other words, you're better off without the fucking things.

We need them fitted with lasers. Something suspicious like a mugging or someone actively growing a beard and 'ZAP!'

ElephantBanjoGnome · **Joined:** 22nd Dec, 2010 **Posts:** 8175

devilman wrote:

We need them fitted with lasers. Something suspicious like a mugging or someone actively growing a beard and 'ZAP!'

Best idea I've heard yet. We need REMOTE TURRETS. Oh yes.

Kern · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 14:07

It's cases like this one that make me nervous. Do you remember earlier in the year about the man who was arrested because someone else saw him take out an MP3 player and thought he had a gun? As with this example here, it's a simple misunderstanding which could have been easily cleared up but got blown out of all proportions.

Dr Lave · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 5979

ComicalGnomes wrote:

devilman wrote:

We need them fitted with lasers. Something suspicious like a mugging or someone actively growing a beard and 'ZAP!'

Best idea I've heard yet. We need REMOTE TURRETS. Oh yes.

Well they are starting to shout at you.

kalmar · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 14:14

ComicalGnomes wrote:

Stop, Breathe, calm.... I keep reaching for an imaginary knife with which to stab this imaginary person. Stab stab.

Rage-o-Meter: Status is 'PUCE'

chinnyhill10 · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 15695

ComicalGnomes wrote:

sinister agent wrote:

some human-shaped thing scuffling with some other human-shaped things.

My major complaint against CCTV, it's about as good as a cheap webcam. What this means is, you can just about make out that 3 people have brutally murdered someone, but not who they killed, or who they are. So while you know what has happened, you can't do a damn thing about it.

Similar with shop security cameras, most playback of these that I've seen on tv are time-delayed shots of blur that you can't make anything out of. ffs.

I did some work for a company who manufacture highly advanced CCTV monitoring systems. The kind of stuff that can tell the difference between a fox walking across an area and a human.

Although their systems are advanced, the cameras are often shockingly shit.

sinister agent · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 7046

chinnyhill10 wrote:

The kind of stuff that can tell the difference between a fox walking across an area and a human.

It's kind of sad how we're struggling to replicate in technology something that almost every human being on the face of the earth can already do, simply so that we don't have to pay people to work anymore. And yet, instead of offering those people a life of technology-fuelled ease, we fire them and tell them to fuck off, then berate them as scroungers if they can't find another job.

GazChap · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 15:08

sinister agent wrote:

In other words, you're better off without the fucking things.

What the hell are you, some sort of terrorist?

Malabelm · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 17:04

GazChap wrote:

sinister agent wrote:

In other words, you're better off without the fucking things.

What the hell are you, some sort of terrorist?

He has a beard.

Grim... · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 17:10

Squirt wrote:

My bike got nicked the other day, and I've just got a letter from the British Transport Police ( it was nicked at a station ) saying my case 'was currently lacking solvability factors'. I demand more CCTV cameras! Especially ones pointing at my bike!

As some of you might know, my bike got stolen. My building had CCTV footage of the actual theft, but the police never bothered to turn up and look at it.
Thanks.

Malabelm · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 17:11

Grim... wrote:

Squirt wrote:

My bike got nicked the other day, and I've just got a letter from the British Transport Police ( it was nicked at a station ) saying my case 'was currently lacking solvability factors'. I demand more CCTV cameras! Especially ones pointing at my bike!

As some of you might know, my bike got stolen. My building had CCTV footage of the actual theft, but the police never bothered to turn up and look at it.
Thanks.

Feels great, doesn't it?

"Sorry, we can't solve your crime, because we haven't tried. Ps. Cheers for your tax money! Laters"

sinister agent · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 7046

Grim... wrote:

Squirt wrote:

My bike got nicked the other day, and I've just got a letter from the British Transport Police ( it was nicked at a station ) saying my case 'was currently lacking solvability factors'. I demand more CCTV cameras! Especially ones pointing at my bike!

As some of you might know, my bike got stolen. My building had CCTV footage of the actual theft, but the police never bothered to turn up and look at it.
Thanks.

That happened to a friend of a girl I know, too. Except that she was drugged and carried to a car by several strange men, disappeared for several days and has refused to talk about it since.

It was only when said friend's dad, who had a somewhat influential position, took a personal interest in the case (ie: started doing the police's job for them), that CCTV footage of the camera pointed directly at the entrance to the pub was even mentioned.

I've since lost touch with the friend and have no idea how it turned out. My guess is "badly", but there you go.

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 20:10

Kern wrote:

It's cases like this one that make me nervous. Do you remember earlier in the year about the man who was arrested because someone else saw him take out an MP3 player and thought he had a gun? As with this example here, it's a simple misunderstanding which could have been easily cleared up but got blown out of all proportions.

I agree with you here.

GovernmentYard · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 5318

It's ok, they'll all be on strike soon, and we can deal with the criminals ourselves.

sinister agent · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 7046

Goatboy wrote:

It's ok, they'll all be on strike soon, and we can deal with the criminals ourselves.

Well, we could stop voting for them, for a start.

Pod · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 2568

sinister agent wrote:

You're all missing the point. The article doesn't mention whether the bloke looked a bit foreign. He might even have had a beard!

Hopefully this is just some satire aimed at the recent political shenanigans and nothing to do with you not watching the video of him?

Wot I done wroted on another forum wrote:

He's clearly a ****ing retard though. I bet the police came and, rather than explaining what had happened, decided they were after his crack-stash and freaked out. They had to use force to detain him, as, from their point of view, he was clearly a nutter who had beat the shit out of the guy who lives in that flat.

SPIN WORKS BOTH WAYS.

AceAceBaby · **Posted:** Fri Jun 13, 2008 21:18

Grim... wrote:

The Metro suggested that they wanted to come in, but he wouldn't let them, so he was the 'interfering with a police investigation'.

Warrants are so last century.

Be Excellent To Each Other

Man arrested for falling off his own sofa

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