Be Excellent To Each Other

When BETEO rules the world, I will <law> as <justification>

Make ugly people only be allowed out at night as they pollute the environment.

Make it law that I have to be paid money to play video games with other BETEOers as I would like this.

Force Retro Gamer to review Warhead as I like Warhead.

When I rule the world I'll get Mr Chris to do all the legal stuff, I'll be too busy in my tit pool.

Tell Gordon Brown that one day he can have my job. Just to see if he fools for it again.

I would spend my time repealing laws, rather than making new ones.

I will have Alyson Hannigan washed and sent to my room.

Speed Cameras are now fair game - do what you like to them.

I would make them go off if you weren't going fast enough.

I would make it compulsory for mobiles to include some sort of proximity-forced settings so that the loudspeaker was disabled on public transport, and all phones switch over to silent in cinemas and places like that.

Also: banning breast reduction operations

My wife keeps saying she wants one of those (32G fact fans) and I keep telling her that it's ok - I have very big hands. Stupid woman.

I would also make cheese much cheaper. Probably 2p for a breeze block sized piece. Having said that mild cheddar would be £200000000 a go to subsidise it.

You're cheese if free when you rule the world. One of the perks.

Question: Is Jade Goody all the left over bits from boob reductions?

Pics, obv.

The mere thought of that power has affected your English.

Indeed.

Wow, that's a doozy.

Prescription heroin, no upper motorway speed limit, warning signs only legal where not stating totally obvious things, no rescue service provision where warning signs have been proven to be ignored, repeal all anti-terror laws, ban faith schools, lower age of consent to fourteen and make sex education compulsory from ten, move to a community-managed, state monitored benefits system. No more 'doling' money out to people who never so much as consider being an active part of their community! Fuck your right to privacy and freedom to please yourself, so long as you are doing it on my tax money.

Also, ban bendy buses, ban these paedophile lists chavs can see. I've no kids so I've no need to know whether a nonce is in the area, but I've been burgled and had my car done over so let's have the addresses of all the twockers and burglars, shall we?

Everyone in the UK to sign an agreement that they won't follow European laws any more closely than the next member state.

Finally, every passive-agressive Welsh speaking person who insists on having a 'hilarious' dig at the English somewhere during their profressional working day has to line up along the touchline at Wembley and fellate all England shirt wearing men over fifteen stone with a shaved bonce at half time of the next convenient home fixture. Then drown the fuckers in the Taff, they are giving the Welsh a bad name.

Switch to the Euro.
Yes, really.

And make everything more expensive?

No, just fuck the pound off. There really is no point.

One for another thread, I feel...

Nah, here's the winning argument - make a pound = a euro at all times, however one does that. And make each currency useable across Britain and the continent. No having to change money ever again, and we don't have to have a currency called a fucking Euro, which is a much shitter name than a Pound. Plus when Klaus, Jean-Paul and Sergio buy a litre of pissy lager in their local with a fiver they'll see Her Majesty's head on the side and know their fucking place.

/tears up Goatboy's copy of the Daily Mail

Offer to have your hands enlarged.

Another excellent point about having a wife with big tits is she gets the "Bravissimo" catalogue and asks which ones I like. Obviously the catalogue is full of very attractive women with enormous tits.

Takes me a while to pick one that I like - sometimes I have to look very hard indeed.

On your own... in the bathroom...

Ha ha! I thought I was the only one