Be Excellent To Each Other

I'm not going to be around much for the next few days, as my Mum has just died.

Malc

The only thing that I can feel to offer any help is that my thoughts are with you.

Yours,

Mali A

Oh goodness, I'm so sorry, Malc.

Oh, honey.

Oh, So, so sorry. Sorry, I have no more words, but I am thinking of you. Sorry, Malc xxxxxxx

Oh my I'm sorry Malc. Condolences, for what they're worth.

Crickey Malc, best wishes.

Really sorry to hear this Malc. I hope you and your family are alright.

I'm so sorry Malc. My thoughts are with you and your family.

That's awful news Malc, my thoughts are with you all.

Shit. Sorry, Clam. Take care of yourself.

Long commiserations aren't going to help so I'm going to try something else.


"ARSESTICKS".

Excellent thoughts in your general direction.

Ack. So sorry, Malc. So, so sorry.

Shit man, that's terrible.

Losing a parent is always a bad time. My thoughts are with you and yours.

Jesus man, I'm really sorry. My thoughts are with you. Take care and hang in there, you and the family.

Sorry Malc. My thoughts are with you.

My condolences, fella.

I know I'm just a virtual stranger, but I was very sorry to read this news.

I personally have no idea what you're going through, but I can imagine.

Remember the forums are here for your support, as little as that probably helps right now.

I'm crap at condolence threads but I felt I had to post in this one. I'll leave it at that.

My condolences, Malc. You've not had a good time of it in recent times.

Sympathies Malc, to you and your brother.

Yeah, pass on the general bestness from the beardy beer clique to him too.

Just started to catch up on the mafia thread and saw that you'd obviously had bad news and it's worse than I could have thought. Really sorry to hear this.

Mate.
My thoughts are with you and your excellent brother.

I know you don't really know me, but fuck it, my commiserations naturally go out to you.

Sorry to hear that, man. All the best.

We're all thinking of you. As someone who went through all that just over a year ago you have to deal with it in your own way. Time does make it easier. Keep yourself occupied and make sure there are people who can support you to hand.

I'd like to say thankyou to all the messages of support. It's really appreciated.

I really don't know what to say or do at the moment, but I will be going to Spain to make sure my dad is ok. (for those that don't know my dad had a burst intestine in early feb, which led to a heart attack and a stroke (where he was dead for a few a minutes). He was in a coma for the best part of a month, and in intensive care for almost 2. They have both lived in Spain for the past 8 years, and my mum was caring for dad since his attack. It's fairly obvious that the stress and strain of the last 4 months have taken their toll on her, and from what the doctor has said to a family friend my mum suffered a massive heart attack.

At this point I'm not really sure why I'm telling you all of this, but it sorta helps just to say what's going on. At the moment I am shit scared about what's going to happen next, I know my mum had a will, but I have no idea how to access it, my dad is hardly in a fit state to sort anything out, and any would I would call to ask for help is going to speak Spanish.

How the fuck do I deal with all this, whilst looking out for my brother, making sure my dad is ok, and dealling with my own grief at the same time?

I hate dealing with "stuff" at the best of time, but it's going to fall to me, and I'm shitting my self at the thought of it. On top of that I think I phoned my mum at the time she was having the heart attack, so I probably caused it (in that she was probably lying down, and tried to get up to get the phone and that stress triggered it) and irregardless of if that's true or not, I knew she was suffering in trying to help my dad, but I was thousands of miles away, unable to do anything, but I could have gone out there if I wanted to, I just didn't want to.

On top of that I know my dad will be blaming himself, why wouldn't he, if he hadn't of had his heart attack, my mum wouldn't have had so much stress. Now I don't blame him, I blame the insurance people, they piled the stress on my mum, they are to blame, but how the hell do I persue them when they are a spanish company. And what the hell will I gain from it any way?

My biggest problem is that I need to get to Spain and sort my dad out, but he's going to need care, how long will my company allow me to take off? who will stay at home and look after the kids whilst my partner has to work nights?

I feel that I am dishonouring my mum by thinking of these things, but how fair is it for me to leave Pauline to look after the kids whilst I'm off in looking after my dad? And I've got to break it to them at some point, plus I've got to face up to her family? They've already lost 2 members in the last year! (from a family of 4 boys and 4 girls, 2 of the girls have died, and so has one of the boys). My mum was only 56! Does that mean I'm going to die in 23 years time?

What's this going to do to my dad, as with most couples they relied on each other for various things, but my dad has relied on my mum for so much, I really do fear for him, especially as he is so weak at the moment. I also worry about my brother, he tries to be so strong, but I know he's really hurting at the moment, and he doesn't want to show it. I know how he reacted to my dad almost dying, I dread to think how he will react to my mum actually dying.

And what about me? I'm still in shock, I don't know what to do, or say, I am pouring my heart out to a bunch of virtual strangers, what the hell does one do on the night their mum dies? how does one act? If I don't feel like crying does that mean I didn't/don't care? I'm really at a loss as to how or what I'm going to do.

Please forgive this self indulgant post. But it has helped. And in the morning I will probably delete it, but once again I'd like to thank all of you for your thoughts.

Malc

I'm not going to qoute you, chum, so you can remove any posts you want to at a later date. But I am *SURE* as sure can be that whatever help the forum can provide, we will. Whether it be helping with finding out due process, or translating.

For what it's worth, all the things you're thinking of mark you as someone very special, thinking of others at such a time.

I've no idea what you're going through, really, but all I can say is that this forum has provided me with much support when I've needed it, and I'm sure will do the same for you, if that's what you want and need.

I'll not reply to anything specific, in case you decide to delete, but I'll just offer any support I can give. Seriously, fella, thinking of you, and wishing there was something I could say or do right now that would help.

For what it's worth you have my sympathies. I've suffered the fair amount of death in the family the last few years and know there's not much other people can do to help other than offer sympathies. Really sorry to hear it Malc.

After all the shit that's gone on latey the great ship perspective arrives and makes you realise how utterly fucking ridiculous the internet can be.

Hope the morning has brought some clarity and maybe the first step down the road of compiling and processing everything that goes on when something like this happens.

So sorry Malc.

Sorry Malc.

My thoughts are with you man.

I won't quote either but I'll say you do it because these are the people you care about and because of that you'll find a way because that's just the way things work.

As for your dad's long term position, that's going to be the tricky bit but you don't have to worry about that just yet. There's plenty you do have to worry about now so leave whatever isn't a problem RIGHT NOW until the immediate panic goes.

Deepest sympathies

Very sorry to hear that Malc.

You can get this thought out of your head right now, Mister. Don't go blaming yourself - I find it highly unlikely that simply getting up to answer a phone would cause enough stress to trigger a heart attack, regardless of what else is happening in that person's life.

Keep a strong head about you, keep your chin up, and you (and your father and brother) will come through this OK. Just remember that you are not alone, and I'm not even referring to your pals here on BeEx, there is lots of help available to you through "official" channels - counselling and all of that lark. If you feel you need to, use it.

Indeed. Very unlikely.

They can strike at any time. My great uncle passed away just after waking up. My great aunt went to get both of them a cup of tea and when she came back he was dead. No trigger, it had just happened.

Malc,

There's definitely no point in try to apportion blame, whether it be on yourself or on others. The sad fact is that people do die, and no amount of hindsight and 'what if?' moments can change what happened. My own mother died when I was 17, from a brain tumour. Looking back all I could think to start with was whether I did something wrong. Was it caused by stress, and was that my fault? If I had visited the hospital more often might that have cheered her up and would that have saved her? Ultimately though, looking back I wasn't to blame, and neither are you. It just happens. It's sad, it's horribly sad, but please don't think that there's anything you could have done to prevent it.

As for what you should do, I don't know. Do remember though that even though it is going to be a hard time for everyone in your family, they'll be there to support you just as you are there to support them. Don't ever think you're on your own with it. It's not going to be a good or an easy time, but times like this do tend to bring out the best in people as they help each other to come to terms with things.

Wishing you all the help in the world.

I'm very sorry to hear this. Losing a parent is never easy, especially when they are still young. I've been there too and it truly is an awful thing to deal with. I feel for you, buddy.

A message from CUS:

Just popped on to wish you the best Malc, so sorry to hear this. I lost my father last year so if you need anyone to talk to/at my email address is on my website. Good luck, dude.

Thinking of you man.

I'm very sorry to hear of your bad news Malc... I can only really add my sentiments to what has already been said on here.

My thoughts are with you.

Thanks a lot guys (and gals)

It really does mean a lot...

Now does anyone want to sumarise the last 2 weeks of post for me in one easy to read thread?

Malc

I became furiously angry at some stuff, and managed to avoid getting lynched on Day 1 of Mafia Game #2.

I think that's about it

I learned the true meaning of christmas and enjoyed a brief but memorable stint as Sideshow Duds.

I spent rather a lot of money on a Mac which I spent 8 days waiting for. This wasn't due to some massive change in thinking but rather requiring a certain piece of software.

It arrived today and it's already causing me to want to get a sharp axe and head towards Apple HQ with evil intent.

Oh, and CG is turning into our own version of Mr Angry from Steve Wright circa 1989. Still, rather that than Dr Fish Filleter.

Not forgetting that apparently our previous Sinister Overlord has been discovered to have a modern haircut. Although frankly I find this as difficult to believe as I would Alan Sugar sans beard.