Be Excellent To Each Other

Over to you, Grim....

baby on board stickers and 3 wheeled pushchairs.

Fox burners.

Madeleine McCann.

Is that a Northern thing? Is it better or worse than badger-baiting?

FUCKING PUSHCHAIRS! YOU DO NOT HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT OF WAY IN EVERY SITUATION! AND FUCK OFF THE TUBE AT RUSH HOUR!

Also: "Giving it 110%"

Also known as being a twat.

isn't that the same sort of thing as having an iq of 110

Malc

Is that you saying that, or someone saying it to you?

If someone asks you to "give 110%", simply spunk in their hand and tell them to hurry up and save the other 10% before it dies.

Drivers who think they have the right of way, just because they're on the road.

I was pulling out onto a main road this morning on the way to work. Two cars were approaching from the right, nothing from the left, and two girls were crossing the road behind me.

The second car approaching flipped his indicator on about 2 metres before the turn, then slammed on and proceeded to go nuts with his horn at the girls crossing, scaring the shit out of them.

If I wasn't late for work, I'd have turned round and stopped him, the inconsiderate twat.

I'm pretty sure that if it was roughly like below, the girls had right of way, under the Highway Code. Most drivers don't seem to know this, though.

EDIT - OH FFS. LET ME USE SPACES.
_________________________________

___________ __CAR____________
.................|.......|
.................|.*.*.|
.................|.......|
................ |.......|
.................|.......|

*= girl, obviously.

This is correct, you never have right of way on a road you aren't even on.

I'm absolutely certain the girls had right of way. They were crossing while the car was on the main road, and before he indicated.

But most drivers seem to think "YOU'RE IN MY WAY. GET OUT MY WAY. *BEEEEP* *BEEEEEP*"

Ah, I'm glad I'm right, because I remonstrated with a gentleman in this situation the other day, who seemed to think I didn't have right of way and objected in most colourful terms to my presence in front of his car.

Finished the story for you.

Get well soon, Mr. Chris!

Don't pedestrians and horses have right of way over carts all the time ( except maybe on motorways )?

Dyslexic grape retailers.

Personal gripes? What... things you don't like?

Yeah but these don't need to be things that everyone else does like.

People standing in doorways/stairwells talking. Nngh.

Things I don't like don't especially annoy me - I'll watch Monty Python, for example, I just won't laugh.

People that try and get on the tube as you are getting off, though - grr.

You have a wide frame, so it shouldn't be hard to persuade them to wait on the platform.

But actually, runners can be cunts too. When you're in a race and people want to overtake, they generally don't wait for a space, they like to leap in front of you at an angle and speed that's insufficient to stop you from practically tripping over them. There are also a lot of fuckers who also think that merely shoulder-barging between two people from behind is a legitimate way to move ahead. I spend a lot of races pronely waiting for such an attempt, at which point I'll stick out my elbows so they get one in the chest as they rudely push past. Fucknuts.

I thought that's your area of expertise?

x

I thought that was up CUS's way in the Midlands*?

*AKA The North.

Yes, people who don't move to one side to let you off the train/bus before trying to get on. If the door is suitably narrow (so that they couldn't get past me) then I'll happily stand there until one or more of them get it and FUCKING MOVE. I await the day when this standoff lasts to the point that the door closes again and the train continues out of the station without them.

People who don't know the speed limit. There's a lot of unrestricted roads around here where people drive 40. And then you get to a 30 zone and they're still going 40.

Pedestrians who cross the road on a crossing that is showing the red man WITHOUT LOOKING. I have NO PROBLEM with you doing this but at least CHECK if something is coming and if so, WAIT A FEW PRECIOUS FUCKING SECONDS.

People coming the other way on the sidewalk who cannot bear to not be walking beside their best mate/girlfriend/mother even if there's only enough room for two people. I'll just come to a stop, so they HAVE TO manoeuvre around me.

Old people in supermarkets. Just die already, please.

Buses. Just because you have a 'let us out' sticker doesn't mean you can undertake a line of traffic for as much as you like and then try and force you way into our lane. Wait your turn like the rest of us.

Car drivers who do the above.

Car drivers who fail to notice the huge white arrows indicating which way their lane is going to go at the next intersection, and at the last minute decide they don't want to go right and STOP and INDICATE and try and force their way back across.

Nnnn... That's actually in the highway code that they can (and will) do that, though.


It's not


Is this a proper race, or a fun-run type of things?

Hell no. I can understand your confusion as you're an ignorant Southern Pimms swigger.

Please don't take me to court.

Cripes, yes. On a couple of mile daily trip through central London the number of people you see literally risking their lives for the sake of a few secs is quite scary. Yes, you may just be able to get to the other side before that lorry by running but are those 3 seconds you gain really worth the risk of you tripping over and getting squished?

Depends what you consider a proper race. It's as proper as most races get, and isn't a floppy charity stroll or anything.

It's annoying because it's not like I've decided to start at the front with the elites, who then have to smash their way through me because I'm slow as fuck. I start in the correct position with people of comparable speed, but for some unfathomable reason there are these people behind you that all of a sudden decide to sprint their way through you for no reason. Amusingly I actually have a picture of a fucker doing this to me in a race last year, I'll try to find it, if it would amuse.

Edit: Fuckit, here it is anyway.

Kids
Men
People.

That guy's cheating! He's got some sort of monowheel to run on!

The woman in front and to the left has clearly already given up by that point.

My gripes:

People with puschairs assuming that you must jump out of their way because they want to go down that shopping isle, despite the fact that if you wanted to get past their giant bloody tank of a pushchair they wouldn't dream of getting out of your was, because, you know, they're parents now, and so it's their job to look down on anyone who hasn't at that precise moment got a baby in a monster truck right in front of them.

People who buy the biggest pram in the world when they only ever travel on buses.

People that only give up seats to people of their own race on buses or the tube. I see this every time I get on the bus around here and I wish I were brave enough to say this to someone. The ninety year old white woman isn't good enough for your seat, despite the fact she's standing right next to you, but call right down the bus to the elderly asian woman because she happens to be the same colour as you? People around here are gits.

People on buses with loudspeakers on their mobile phones.
Also, babies and young children in designer clothes.

Also, people who just stand and watch, or turn their backs and ignore when someone falls over in the street.

Friend Codes

You made Sam and his Nike Jordan hat cry.

Was the hat designed to match his booties?

Nike isn't designer though.

/SHNOB

Yes. His booties say 23 on them.

[edit]I've just got that - durr

True that. He has a Ralph Loren shirt (which we didn't buy him).

Sorry, Grim... I didn't mean the Grimlet, who I am sure looks lovely in his hat, and I didn't mean Nike stuff, really. I meant 18 month old children in Versace trousers and stuff like that. My sister dresses my nephew in almost exclusively designer clothes. The habit of dressing children in designer clothes seems inversely related to the parents own income. I love my sister, but she dresses like she fell out of bed into some tracksuit bottoms and the same jumper for about five years, yet my nephew always has clothes on that amount the the sum of my whole wardrobe. Yesterday I took him to the Zoo. I specifically said to put him in some old stuff that he could get dirty, covered in tapir urine or ice-cream. Here is is with one of may of the promised ice-creams he had


He is wearing an Armani 100% cashmere jumper.

I want a smarties icecream.

Now I really do as well.

I have that, somewhere.

There's one strip where the bloke has a magic hat and is told by a shopkeeper 'I'm going to turn you into pumpkin if you don't push off'.

Which is decidedly nicer than the original version 'Give you a bat in the gob if you don't piss off'.

It's no surprise they didn't do a kid's version ever again.

People that mark every email "important" - fuck off!

Read receipts.

Easy to turn off.

Can you turn the "important" thing off, or are you just talking about read receipts?