Be Excellent To Each Other

So a few weeks back we get new neighbours. Woman and husband about 50.

A couple of weeks later they take in this fat lass (not massively fat, but right up old JC's alley).

She's 24 and has 'learning difficulties' IE she's a bit thick likes.

Being partial to a few rolls I've been keeping my eyes out to have a looksee. Still hadn't copped an eyeful until last night when I went to close my bedroom window looking onto the path outside and she walked past smiling up at me. Not bad ! nice bit of meat on her and a really cute face (can't beat a chubby birds mooey).

Well today I get up and go downstairs to see what the builders are up to. She just walked in and started talking to me.

And she's kinda cute. Just the sort that's awesome for a good roll in the hay, and lord do I need one right now.

So what do you reakon I should do?

You've got bad karma - give her a few and not feel at all remorseful about taking advantage of her naive side.

You've got good karma ! (halo) - be a really nice chap and not go there.

I've been a nice chap all my life, so now I'm kinda bent on reaping my revenge on some poor wee slapper. Thing is, I don't think my conscience would handle treating someone like shit.

Oh, and settling down and being told what to do isn't an option.

In your words you say that she is 'a bit thick'. Just leave her be, as you wouldn't have said that if you had any respect for her. You're also talking about 'give her a few and not feel at all remorseful about taking advantage of her naive side' so the interest seems only sexual with no mention of caring. I think you are just asking to prompt conversation as I suspect that you know exactly what the right thing to do is.

Why?

And you're completely right of course

DAMN MY CONSCIENCE TO HAYALL !

By a bit thick I sort of meant "same sort of thing as me".I don't know if she's autistic or aspergers. I'm pretty naive too tbh, that's why I ended up half way accross the world being told what to do, instead of being here and being told what to do lol.

You never know, maybe I'm killing any chances of a real relationship again before I've even given it a go?

Thing is I'm fucking terrified of fucking up another one tbh.

Dunno. Bit of a shitty way to think tbh. Infact thinking about it I suppose I'd rather hurt someone else before getting hurt myself.

Mimi is the voice of reason here.

Absolutely. I appreciate it too.. Last thing I want to do is cause wars.. I just needed someone who isn't thinking like me atm to point it out

I think it comes down to this:

If you are truly hell-bent on going out and 'reaping my revenge on some poor wee slapper' looking for casual sexual experiences, go out and seek them with someone who will pay as little regard for your feelings as you will hers. If you can find that with someone, then no-one gets hurt. By seeking that with someone who may be less able to disengage their feelings from a sexual bond you will be using someone in a very bad way.

Try not to use someone in that way unless you are pretty sure hat they are using you to the same end, and then still remember to keep a check on how the other person feels, because I know people who have looked for something casual, one person has developed feelings and then someone has been hurt.

It'd never happen like that truth be told any way. I fall in love way too easy haha.

I'd probably shag her once and then worship the ground she walks on.

My sources inform me that you're doing it in the wrong order.

It's generally a good rule not to enter into any kind of relationship where each party has different desires or expectations of the relationship.

What Mimi said, basically.

Also, don't shit on your own doorstep.

True. This doesn't impress the ladies one bit.

Full Article from November last year

Malc

Dear Deirdre.....

[sighs]

Fuck it, go for it man.

And then chronicle the horrific drama and fallout here for our sick and twisted amusement.

You chubby chaser, you

A fat girl with learning difficulties? Get yourself to a bar or something!

Ah, see now... JC is a bloke so respect and saying things other women might think are offensive are not mutually exclusive ideas.

/edit Also, John, if she's got fairly obtrusive learning diffs, it'd probably come to grief if the pair of you got to the child-rearing stage at some point, so best to fuck her in the arse.

I don't think it is anything to do with saying something a woman might find offensive.

If a woman started a conversation saying she was thinking of exploring a sexual relationship with some fat lad with learning difficulties and that he was 'a bit thick' but that they were bent on reaping their revenge on some poor lad (couldn't think of an equivalent for 'wee slapper') it would be no different, would it?

Totally. I thought it best to ask here seeing as there are women who are mature enough to offer me some advice

What I'm basically saying is "Hey I think I might have stumbled accross the perfect woman, how should I approach it?"

All of my friends are either depressive or have OCD out the arse. They're the only people I can seem to maintain a friendship with as they're the only ones who seem to understand what being 'different' entails.

My ex wife had passive agressive disorder and it worked well for years until she basically lost the plot and started attacking those who loved her. For many years we were there for eachother on our 'bad days'. Days that I suppose 'normal' people don't have or can totally conceal.

Which brings me to the really truly freaky part.

Mimi help me !! I have no idea what goes through a woman's mind. Today I logged into my social networking site (the one for America) and I have a message in my inbox.

It said...

From - Jenny

Subject - Hey there.

Message -

Hey there... well... i am trying to say hi and my computer is acting crazy! lol. Anyway, just wanted to say hi and see how you are doing. Havent talked to you in a few years... heh.

Jen


What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

She walked out on me, ruined my life, left me to rot, tried to force me into court for a divorce and then that??

Has she taken leave of her senses/is taking the piss fucking royally/ some alternate meaning?

Send her a link to a picture of someone's bumhole or something.

I should have made this clearer:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/deidre/753010/Agony-Aunt-Deidres-advice.html

It's off to the deathcamp of intollerance for you !

I wanted advice from real people who lead real lives. Not some tart in the paper.

You've been told. Leave well alone. It's a no brainer. But yet you persist. The clue you gave is the phrase "learning difficulties" which frankly should be ringing great big alarm bells not only for you, but also for those of us reading.

This forum is more suited to advising you what game you should buy for a Dreamcast. Frankly I'm of the view that an internet forum is just not the place for this kind of thing and usually every person apart from the topic starter can see the excruciating embarrassment of it all.

It's just the balls talking man, don't listen to them. They only want to get you in trouble.

I definitely wouldn't claim to be in her head, but that's a great "get in touch in a totally passive way" message. She's essentially told you nothing about herself, but is touting for info about you. Not that that's a bad thing, and she's made a, perhaps painful, effort just by writing to you, but I would just ignore it - she'll probably misinterpret that as a lack of feeling, but the other way involves you spilling feelings and the like and getting nothing back, as there's no onus on her to share, no matter how much she may care. The warning signal for me was your mention of "passive aggressive" - enough of that shit (oh, neither of us has been in touch - it's your fault) made me single for nigh-on four years, and it never made for good in-depth conversations face to face, let alone via the internet.

As for the other, I think we're still undecided as to whether she's just a little different as you are, or actually slow. If the latter, she needs a bit of protection, you could make yourself an object of derision and you should leave well alone. If the former, wait. In fact, either way, wait - I recently met an amazing girl, full on shaken my world up stuff, but it is all the better for the fact that we met months ago and have only just got together. I know her a little better, she's had a bit more distance from her last relationship, we have lots of "ha, if only I'd put my arm round you then" stories and we know we definitely like each other. Waiting and developing a friendly relationship does very little harm for perhaps a very good outcome and at the worst, no harm done.

I know how she works. I'm one of the very few that understands every move she makes. She's not very open and tends to live life on the 'sneak' because her mother is a hard core christian and thus my ex wife had to live her life completely hiding her feelings and everything else.

I know exactly what that email means. When she left I told her that there wasn't this great rose garden out there. I told her that she would be fucked without someone to understand her. I also told her that she could not pull what she did with me with any normal living person and expect them to understand. The only reason I could cope with her way was because I understood. As an example. I'm lying in bed fast asleep @ 3am and she starts kicking me and yelling about she's feeling weird and is fat and ugly. She talked to me like shit, treated me like shit and I came out fighting every time to be there for her. Only because I knew what it was like to feel that way.

The last thing I ever said to her was "good luck !" I meant it sort of sarcastically. She did this to me before. I ended it before it got serious and she came back asking very loose questions. I picked a bit, she opened up and I got the truth. That's exactly what she's up to now. This time I don't want to go there. I've spent most of the morning shaking and crying. When she left I had to literally rip up and throw away anything that went back to her. I don't have any photos, letters.. Nothing. It was the only way I could even begin to contemplate coping. And she knows it too. As I say, she's trying to be clever but I already told her how I felt and what it done to me (I don't hide anything from anyone. which is why I'm probably stupid and naive)

So to cut it short I simply replied "Glycerine" - she'll understand that. My reply is in a song.




As much as I try and act the cunt and be stupid and trivial I know full well that I couldn't knowingly go out of my way to hurt another human being. Maybe I should have been more honest and said "I've met this bird who I am physically attracted to who ain't perfect who I think I could really get along with" and then simply asked some advice on how I should go about it.

Like animals I truly believe that us humans are attracted to what's like us. For example cats are mostly OK around other cats, dogs the same. There are some people I take one look at and think "fuck me I better not even open my mouth" and others that I know are on my level. She's so alike to me it's uncanny. Cammo shorts, hoody, totally doesn't give a fuck about what she looks like. No makeup, no frills. (She's clean though... lol).

And she's not 'right'. As I say, maybe it's a way you feel after coming to terms that you're not exactly normal. When you meet someone on the same level....

BTW. Every time I even contemplate getting into, or get into another relationship my ex turns up.

It's almost like she can smell it or something.

Well, obviously this is just how I would read it - there are women out there that will try and mess mightily with someone's head. (I hope) I am not one of those, but I certainly have known a few downright nasty women.

She could be genuinely lonely and wondering about how you are doing - she's certainly fishing for info 'my computer is playing up' (it's not working to the point that I can't give you any info about myself) tell me about you...' It's just a casual hi, she might just be saying hi for the sake of it.

That said, I would be inclined to think that she at least wants to think that you still think of her, maybe miss her. She might want to hear this for her own self-worth, if she was more manipulative, maybe to prompt you to think of her in a 'you threw this away' type vein.

Sometimes people get in contact after a while because they have convinced themselves to remember only the positive things, and maybe she looks back on the time as a good one if she has not moved on and found someone else more suitable to her personality, but if I am honest I would be inclined to just leave it be unless you have any intentions of ever setting up with this girl again.

Some relationships can end on friendly terms and the couple remain good friends, which can form some of the strongest friendships that exist, but her passive/aggressive tendencies and the way you refer to them make it seem like this might not be the case here.

If you have ruled out a relationship with this woman again, would you form a real friendship with her? As cold edged as it may seem, I'd say look at yourself, do you want someone with such a personal history as a friend again? There is a world of people out there to form friendships and relationships with, and there is a reaon why this woman hasn't been in either group for at least a few years.

People do change, but you can't know if she has. I'd be inclined to concentrate on the people around you and not look back too much

She is nasty. She is spiteful. And one day she will realise it. Despite all of that I loved her. More than anything or anyone I have ever loved before. Maybe in a sick way I enjoyed looking after and out for her. It certainly seemed to make sense then, gave my life some meaning.



She knows how I'm doing. Two weeks after she walked out I had a breakdown after not eating or drinking for a week. I spent eight hours lying in a hospital bed after collapsing at work being fed a drip. She found out and called my work place, basically fishing to see if what she had heard was lies

I explained to her that I wanted her gone. She knows that the only way I can deal with trauma is to literally force myself to forget. That's how I deal with things. That's basically why I asked her to leave me alone and to never try and contact me again. That's why I agreed to let her take everything because it would only serve to remind me that I had wasted eight years of my life fighting hard for her and our marriage. That's why I went to Ohio and why I eventually called it all a day and came home. To get away from her. I know she's had all this relayed back to her because there are people I know giving her this info.

What I'd have liked was one word. Sorry. Maybe from there I could have spoken to her? I don't know. TBH what she's sent is a fucking insult knowing what she did to me.



There was nothing I didn't do for her. And I mean that. Until I met her I had never even left my own town really. I had lived in one place all my life and I kind of felt some kind of safety in that. I left my family, friends, work, career. All of it to go to a place full of fucking animals (her family). I've since seen people act toward one another in a way that I did not think was even possible. Cruel, heartless, destroying. I nearly fell victim to it too, and if it wasn't for having to cope with so much as a kid I think it would have gotten me. But I know now that I'm stronger than all that. Maybe if I'd have wound up dead somewhere she would feel some kind of satisfaction but I wasn't the one to give it to her. I played the matyr to her for ten years in total. I took death threats from her brother and phoned him back to laugh at him. I had noone and I needed noone, and I think that's what sent my message clearer than anything else. You've got this one guy with two completely demented italian families going out of their way to ruin his life, on their turf in their country and he just laughs at you.

It all backfired on her in a bad way. She was expecting me to go straight back to England. Instead I moved on with my life.



To be fair to myself there really wasn't anything but positive things from my side. I got my head kicked in a few times to stand up to her shitty family. I laughed it all off, forcing them to accept that they weren't going to get rid of me unless it was in a bag. I stood up for her and told her father he was a pile of shit, that cost me a nice straight nose and somewhere to live. It wound me up in a concrete basement for three months as I had nowhere else to go.

And just as the fight was over and we had won (got our own place to live, greencard job nice cars and money) she walked out. Personally I will never understand why she did that, but as they say misery loves company and it had no fucking place in my house, the cunts simply weren't allowed in or would come over when I was at work.



She ruined my life is the short of it. We knew too well that going back to the U.S in the climate (with her parents getting divorced and all guns drawn) was going to be hell. And if she didn't I did my best to explain to her what we were walking into. And of course I was right but I still fought on for a better tomorrow. I literally still carry all of the scars from it. She knew I was a fighter and more importantly that I was beyond stupid when it came to never giving up. I fought with bloody knuckles to drag her out of a pile of shit and put her into a better more stable happy life. She didn't want it. And that's something that will haunt me until I die.

That's my biggest problem is never giving up and never giving in. The embarrassment of posting on a forum is fuck all compared to what I've felt throughout my life. I must like it or something because I'm still here. So I suppose that I don't give a shit what people will come along and say to me. Growing up having a mental illness has forced me to see and hear it all before.




I'm pretty old fashioned Mimi. If I forge a friendship with a woman and can open up to her.. Well let's say that's all I ever wanted from a woman. My ex wife had nothing to offer me really. She wasn't overly pretty and if I was stupid enough to look for looks I could have done a shitload better. I'm no oil painting but I'm certainly not ugly. I found that out after she left and I found out "what I could have won". Funny how women want something they can't have, and then when they can... lol.

I suppose I'm scared. Yes, a female companion would be awesome. I was raised by only a woman so I can understand their feelings and emotions (I've had to. If I hadn't I wouldn't talk to my mother any more)

I think I'm just terrified of going to hell again

Fuck, yes. I've heard people say basically the same thing ("don't shit where you eat", which makes even less sense) about seeing people at work. It's pretty messed up, and one of those things that sounds like people thinking of having sex with someone as some kind of attack on them.

Just incase people are not familiar with the song Glycerine this was my reply, summed up in one word.

Must be your skin that I'm sinkin in
Must be for real cause now I can feel
and I didn't mind
it's not my kind
not my time to wonder why
everything's gone white
and everything's grey
now you're here now you're away
I don't want this
remember that
I'll never forget where your at
don't let the days go by
glycerine

I'm never alone
I'm alone all the time
are you at one
or do you lie ?
we live in a wheel
where everyone steals
but when we rise it's like strawberry fields

If I treated you bad
you bruise my face
couldn't love you more
you got a beautiful taste
don't let the days go by
could have been easier on you
I coudn't change though I wanted to
could have been easier by three
our old friend fear and you and me
glycerine (repeat)
don't let the days go by
glycerine

I needed you more
when we wanted us less
I could not kiss just regress
it might just be
clear simple and plain
that's just fine
that's just one of my names
don't let the days go by
could've been easier on you
glycerine

And it gets even more twisted.

I sent an email to my step mother in law (who married my ex wife's father) asking if Jen had lost her mind or if she was playing some sick fucking game.

She replied and said that three days ago she decided to leave Jen's father and that all hell had broken loose.

So that's it then. She needs me. The fighting is back and she thinks I'm dumb enough to go out to bat for her again.

Utterly insane.

I typed 'fat slag' into Google hoping for an amusing picture of a good proper slapper to suggest that JC go out and find instead of this woman...

...and instead found the exact opposite. SFW, but not pleasant.

It's Annie Rexic !

That's been doctored. Her face is far too healthy - either that or 96 percent of her remaining body fat is on her face.

Even so, you really don't want me to post the rest of the pictures on that subject that I found. Sorry to drag this off topic.

Nah nevermind. When I say fat lass (and liking them) I kinda mean ones like Kelly Osbourne rather than Jo Brand.

If you do end up <insert trendy word for having sex here> her, just make sure she doesn't find this thread.

Nah. I mean here I'm huge black and bald (and probably have a decent sized willy)

<can I suggest 'boinking'?>

And she'll never find this thread, she's fick, innit.

Actually, on here you are short, chubby, Italian and have a silly moustache.

LOL.

BTW does anyone here even use Myspace?

Myspace? How retro.

That's just what I thought lol.

I would get rid of it but it would mean losing good friends. I don't think the Americans have gotten into facebook yet.

Man. I ought to check this forum out when I'm drunk more often. Is it always this good?

Of course, we are only here for the entertainment of the inebriated.

Rockin' ;-)

Totally, dude

So are you Ray or Spengler? Obviously I am Venkman so you can't be him ;-)