Be Excellent To Each Other

I know she's dead but Cilla was absolutely fucking terrible.

By the time she had her own TV show, yes. A bit like Elvis and many others, the music industry took them away from their roots in their early days and turned them into cabaret acts. Discus.

I don’t know. Was Cilla ever able to sing? I’ve never heard a Cilla song that didn’t sound like a goose being strangled.

Known – and feared – throughout the cabin crew community, Cilla Black’s in-flight attitude is the stuff of legend.

Not only would she insist upon travelling first class, she’d demand seat 1A. That was only the first of many demands too – all of which were made through her PA, as Cilla didn’t want to speak to any staff herself. The full nine yards too, not so much as a please or thank you.

One flight attendant eventually grew so tired of her behaviour, that he leaned over to speak directly to her and uttered the immortal line: “I knew you couldn’t sing, but I didn’t know you couldn’t fucking speak”.

I don’t know. Was Cilla ever able to sing? I’ve never heard a Cilla song that didn’t sound like a goose being strangled.

You may have wondered – what with all the glowing tributes to her immediately after her death – how it could be that someone apparently so cherished and loved could get so little telly work in her later years.

Ageism? Possibly. Changing tastes in light entertainment? Quite probably. But the main reason was that one of the top bods at ITV very determinedly blackballed each and every attempt that Cilla made to get on screen.

Why the personal vendetta? Because the exec in question started out as a runner. On Blind Date.

One early task was to fetch Cilla some salmon sandwiches for her and some guests. The runner got the nicest smoked salmon sarnies they could find. But all they got for their efforts was a bollocking from Cilla in front of her guests as she only liked tinned salmon, not smoked.

Cilla would do most of her weekly shopping at a small grocery store called Fishers in Gerrards Cross. Despite there only being three check-out counters in the tiny store, when Cilla had finished her weekly shop she would, without fail, refuse to line up at an open counter even if there was only one person in front of her.

Instead, she would go and stand in front of one of the unmanned counters until someone opened it up especially for her. True to form, she would never speak to the staff to request it, just stand there staring daggers until someone did so.

Not only would she insist upon travelling first class, she’d demand seat 1A. That was only the first of many demands too – all of which were made through her PA, as Cilla didn’t want to speak to any staff herself.

I finally finished watching the hbomberguy video on plagiarism. That was a commitment. Very engaging though.

My daughter and I have been chanting this frequently since you posted.