Be Excellent To Each Other

A woman at work sent around a mail stating that hotel door swipe cards hold your credit card details and other such security nonsense and that you should not hand them back after your stay lest some scally steal your details and rip you off.

Yeah, Snopes is the first place I go to when I get ridiculous chain emails sent around at work.

after the 3rd or something that i checked it was false, i just gave up and learned the ultimate lesson about the internet.

Rule 34?

I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's
(sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people,
celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when
I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering
from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken
(which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual
chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them
change their name to KFC).

Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his
bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got
out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a
note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his
phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on
his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail
entitled "Join the crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself
was a computer programmer who was working on software to prevent a
global disaster in which all of the computers get together and
distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership
of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail
from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World
vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mailto everyone I know.)

The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his
missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90,
which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the
guy's expense. Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed
with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said,
"Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from
the hospital - the one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is,
the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an
e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel
for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was
a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and
forward it to more than 10 people, you will have good luck but for 10
people only you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer than
10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). So anyway the poor
guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed
another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his
lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.

Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will
receive 4 green M&Ms - if you don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble
will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck:
you will get sick from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your
spouse/mate will develop a skin rash from using the antiperspirant which
clogs the pores under your arms, and the U.S. government will put a tax
on your e-mails forever.

Myps fucked a monkey and gave it aids.

Do you have a typing turrets?

From: Bob Dixon [mailto:Bob.Dixon@DockGreen.gov.uk]
Sent: 21 January 2009 11:49
To: [maillist]
Subject:

Dear All,

We have had a report of a new and worrying scam in the Dock Green area.

If a man knocks on your door and asks to see your arse, DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR ARSE. This is a scam - he just wants to see your arse.

Yours faithfully,

Constable Dixon.

Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Franklin County two million years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it's modern origin:


The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.
The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the "ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:

A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
B. Clams don't have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it's normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,
Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities

I just always reply to all and send them snopes link. It means that no one else should really forward it on (except morons), and makes the original sender look like a twat.

Well, twice. But yeah.

I just always reply to all and send them snopes link. It means that no one else should really forward it on (except morons), and makes the original sender look like a twat.

Yeah, there's a tedious nitpicky bastard in our office who does that because he's determined to suck every last droplet of fantasy and wonder out of everyone's lives.

Oh, wait. It's me. Hi5!